Changes

Sometimes life seems to go along smoothly and at other times, there are big changes. We are going through a time of change. One child is about to go away for a year as a part of their university course and another is about to go to the sixth form after being home educated. These are events that we have anticipated but we are also going through a time when we are needing to provide more care for our older family member.

This week, there has been a hospital admission and discharge as well as a meeting to plan increased levels of care. Of course, that means more people have to come to our home to make more assessments; new kit will be delivered and we will have more care givers in our home. We are grateful that we can have support but sometimes the whole process with all the meetings and phone calls involved gets overwhelming, as well as the sadness of knowing that this is needed.

This morning, I was sitting, in a nearly two and a half hour meeting, and thinking about the neglected housework; the children who were waiting for a picnic in the park; the floor that had just had milk spilled on it and the extras that were going to need arranging. It all felt too much. There are far busier people but for me, at that moment, the burden felt heavy. Then I remembered, these verses by Annie Cousins.

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater, 
He sendeth more strength when the labours increase; 
To added affliction He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace. 


His love has no limit, His grace has no measure,
His power has no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again! 


When we have exhausted our store of endurance, 
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done, 
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,
Our Father's full giving is only begun.

God's grace is sufficient for me and for everyone who trusts in Him.

My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 12v9

If you enjoyed this post you may like to follow Delivering Grace by Google Friend Connect, G+,Facebook, Pinterest or e-mail.

Some very practical thoughts on caring

This is the second post from Hazel Stapleton of On Eagles wings. Do look at her first post yesterday. Today Hazel talks about the practical side of caring.


 For someone who has always enjoyed good health, the idea of trying to
help a person with a chronic health problem or disability that has lasted for many years
and that they know nothing about may seem a bit daunting. What should be done?
How can we sympathise with someone if we have never experienced their particular
problem? Will we cause offence by saying the wrong thing? These are natural concerns,
but should not put people off from trying!



The vast majority of the people with long-term health difficulties that I have come across
over the years would be absolutely delighted to have someone get in touch with them
and show some support and concern. If you don't know what to do or say, ask! If you
know that a person has a particular illness or disability do a bit of reading around on the
subject, look up support groups on the Internet, look out for leaflets in your local
doctors' surgery. The fact that you have shown an interest, learnt a little about the
problem and gone to the effort of getting in touch will be greatly appreciated and be a
real encouragement to the sufferer.



When ill, receiving a letter, phone call, email, or even a short visit from a fellow Christian
means such a lot - and I am sure that it is virtually impossible for those who are healthy
to realise how much doing just a little thing like writing a little note can mean, resulting
in many simply not bothering. However, I would urge you to bother, to go to the effort
of sending a card or email, making a phone call, dropping in for a visit (but do phone
first and don't stay for too long!); it means so much and is such a help and
encouragement.



However, saying that, do be careful. Don't start something that you can't keep up. It's
no good saying that you will call in once a week if you cannot do it in the long-term.
Chronic health problems are a “long haul”. Far better to visit once a month and be able
to stick at it over a number of months or years, than try calling every week only to find
that you can't keep it up and so have to stop after just a few weeks.



When visiting someone with long-term health problems it is likely that they will be, to a
greater or lesser extent, physically dependent on others to manage from day to day.
However it is important that the sufferer does not become spiritually dependent on any
particular person i.e. you mustn't become a “spiritual prop”! It is important to be there
to help them, but try to direct them to the Bible, to find their ultimate help and strength
from God and His Word.



One other thing to bear in mind is that the person you are trying to help may feel rather
useless due to their circumstances. They may have had to stop many of the things they
used to do at home, at work and in the church. Do suggest to them that they maintain
an interest in and pray for other people. Missionaries known to the church could be a
particular focus for their prayers. Writing letters or emails to those working abroad
(something that I have enjoyed doing for many years) can be encouraging on both
sides, as can helping others with the same health problem. Also remind them not to
underestimate what a powerful witness it can be to non-Christians to see someone
coping with a long-term illness. J C Ryle commented that it is possible for those who are
ill to "honour God as much by patient suffering as they can by active work. It often
shows more grace to sit still than it does to go to and fro, and perform great exploits".



Be Practical - try to think of things that you would find helpful if you were house-bound
or bed-bound. For example, offering to help with shopping, cooking meals, giving lifts to
doctors. and hospital appointments. If the person is well enough just offering to take
them out for a short drive is likely to be greatly appreciated. Going out even for a short
time can give a tremendous boost.


Be Spiritual - one of the hardest things that I have found, as a Christian, to cope with
during the years of ill-health is the lack of Christian fellowship due to not being able to
attend church very often. Listening to recordings of the ministry is to be recommended,
and a great help, but being cut off from your Christian family is very hard.


Be Encouraging - chronic ill-health is hard, especially in our society when we are used to
the idea that if any health problem arises we can simply go to the doctors and get a
prescription to make us better!


Being long-term sick means that it is easy to lose touch with what is going on in the “big
wide world”. Talk about normal things. Tell the person about your family, what's
happening at the church, any interesting places you've visited. Don't expect the sick
person to initiate the conversation, after all they may not have been anywhere or done
very much, meaning that it is not easy start talking. At the same time, give them time
to talk about whatever is on their mind.



You don't need to have experienced an illness in order to help and support someone with
it. Be honest. Admit that you don't know much. Most people with a long-term problem
know a lot about their condition and will be happy to fill you in on the details - probably
in far more detail than you actually need or want to know!



Be Forward Looking - it is always good to talk with those who are ill about Heaven!
Remember that this World is not our home, we are just a-passing through. Whether or
not we will be healed in this life is unknown, but in Heaven we will see our Saviour and
we will be free from sin and from suffering. “For the unbeliever, death is the end of all
joys; for the believer, death is the end of all griefs” (Matthew Henry). Always “looking
for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Saviour Jesus Christ”
(Titus 2 v 13).

For yonder a light shines eternal 

Which spreads through the valley of gloom; 

Lord Jesus, resplendent and regal, 

Drives fear far away from the tomb. 

Our God is the end of the journey, 

His pleasant and glorious domain; 

For there are the children of mercy, 

Who praise Him for Calvary's pain. 

W V Higham (used by kind permission)

Hazel Stapleton, January 2012

On Eagles Wings

Some Thoughts On Caring

Today, I am very grateful that Hazel Stapleton of On eagles wings has very kindly written a guest post about caring from the perspective someone who needs care. I hope to put up a second  post, tomorrow, with some very practical thoughts, from Hazel.

  

Having been asked to write on the subject of “needing care”, I wasn’t really sure where

to begin! Therefore what follows are simply a few thoughts that I have had on the

subject of caring for and supporting those who have long-term health problems.

Just to give a few details about where I am coming from: I have been ill with M.E.

(Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, a neurological condition) since February 1991; I had been

studying to be a nurse at the time, but suddenly became ill following an Hepatitis B

vaccination that I was required to have for my training and I have been ill ever since.

For the first eight years or so I was moderately affected by my illness, but since 1999 I

have had severe M.E. and my health continues to gradually deteriorate. I am mainly

housebound and have to spend much of my time resting. How thankful I am for my

laptop computer and email and the Internet! I live with my parents, both of whom are

past retirement age, and am very dependent on them; this is obviously a matter concern

as Mum and Dad get older.

Over the years I have listened to many sermons and read many books and articles on

the subject of suffering and related issues, some good, some not so good! I guess a lot

depends upon whether or not the speaker or author has had personal experience of

suffering or of caring for someone close to them who is unwell or disabled in some way.

However, even if they have done so, for those who are ill “suffering is a very lonely path,

cut off from others but longing that someone would understand” (Barbara Edwards).

When unable to go out very much and having to spend a lot of the time looking at the

same four walls, it is easy to lose touch with reality. Things that are “normal” for most

people, such as having jobs, getting married, having children, and so on, can seem

abnormal and well out of reach. There are feelings of guilt, of being a burden on those

who care for you, knowing how much your illness affects and limits their lives as well as

your own. Trying to remain positive and cheerful as much as possible is no doubt a help

to those who care - but it is also something of a challenge when feeling ill and in pain!

For those of us who are ill and single, another problem is of course that of loneliness, of

being cut off from other people, of not having a husband or wife - and it is particularly

hard when all those around you appear to be getting married, settling down, and having

families!

However, “the times we find ourselves having to wait on others may be the perfect

opportunities to train ourselves to wait on God” (Joni Eareckson Tada). It is important to

remember that God makes no mistakes. We may not understand why things happen to

us, and we may not find it easy to have to give in. and swallow our pride and let others

do things for us, but for those of us who are Christians, we know that we have a

Sovereign God and that our lives are in His hands. As Calvin put it, “we are not afflicted

by chance, but through the infallible providence of God”.

There are certainly lessons to be learned when ill: “sickness takes us aside and sets us

alone with God, and with all the props removed, we learn to lean on God alone”

(Horatius Bonar). We come to realise that there is nothing that this world offers that can

ultimately give us the comfort and strength that we need to cope from day to day. We

also come to see that, from a practical point of view, we need to let others care for and

help us, to do things which we would usually do for ourselves - whether that be helping

with personal needs, giving a lift to medical appointments, doing some shopping

(although much can now be done online!), or whatever.

For Christians who are involved in caring for a fellow Christian who is ill, don’t forget that

the comfort which a Christian can give to another Christian is unique. Non-Christian

relatives and friends can of course offer help and support, and it is much appreciated,

but it is only Christians who can bring encouragement and minister to their fellow

believers on a spiritual level. We are told to “rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep

with them that weep” (Romans 12 v 15).

There is, of course, a sense in which real comfort in the midst of suffering can only come

to us from God Himself. We have great consolation in Christ. He knows our sorrows, He

understands what we are going through. We have the Holy Spirit as our Comforter, to

sustain and strengthen us when we feel we are floundering. We have the Scriptures.

We know that “all things work together for good to them that love God” and that “the

sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall

be revealed in us” (Romans 8 v 28, 18). Times of suffering and affliction provide

opportunities for us to witness and to glorify God. Quoting Horatius Bonar again: “What

a God-honouring thing to see a struggling, sorrowing child of earth cleave fast to God,

calmly trusting Him, happy and at rest in the midst of storm and suffering”.